Not Another Buffy Season 8
by buffaluffagus
Summary: My own version of Buffy Season 8. Takes place in Cleveland, by the Hellmouth there, around 3 months since Sunnydale. All our old favorites back and ready for slayage. Written script-style. Spike/Buffy to come.
1. Chapter 1

Ok so I know there's already a Buffy Season 8 Comic thing, but I haven't read it and I'm sort of doing my own version—what I think could happen after the destruction of the Sunnydale hellmouth. Takes place in Cleveland. Buffy/Spike to come later. The Scoobies are still going strong, training the other Slayers, and then sending them out into the world to fight the forces of darkness and all that good stuff. Takes place in a house, with a large basement meant for training. They've been here for around 3 months (typical summer break).

_Begins like Season 6, hustling and bustling around a house with cheery music playing. There are many teenage girls wandering around (this is the Slayer headquarters), but own main focus is Buffy, as she sticks her head into various rooms, evidently looking for someone. She makes her way downstairs and goes to the kitchen, then finally down to the basement below. Down there, there is an unexpectedly large room. A huge room, in fact, with many girls punching and kicking. Xander is standing in front of them, leading the drills. Giles is sitting by a large stack of books in an armchair. _

Giles: Good morning, Buffy. Do you have a minute?

Buffy: I have many. But none that I can spare at the moment. I have to get Dawn off to school. Raincheck?

Giles: Yes, alright. Dawn's education is obviously paramount.

Buffy: Do you know where she is?

Giles: The last place on earth you'd like to be.

Cuts to a sign that says Library, over a door. It is part of the basement, with nice leather chairs and stacks upon stacks of leather-bound books. Dawn is sitting in one, Indian style, taking notes in a little Composition book.

Buffy: There you are. Dawn, you're gonna be late.

Dawn: Do I really have to go? I'm head of Intel. As in intelligence. As in already smart. Besides, I think I'm making real progress on this demon thing.

Buffy: Getting smarter won't kill you. And if all we know is that this thing has scales, it could be any one of a few thousand. Come on. All that Fitzgerald isn't going to read itself. Have some toast before you go, too.

Dawn: I'm part of an international organization of vampire-fighting bad-asses. Is 11th grade really necessary? It's not like I'm learning anything that can help Emily kill this scale-y thing.

Buffy: You never learn anything useful in High School. That's the point.

_Dawn stares incredulously back at her._

Buffy: OK, I was the Chosen One and I had to go. Suck it up. Come on, I'll take you over.

Dawn: Oh no. You can't come with. Remember what happened last time you took me in on my first day? You aren't allowed to work at my school again.

Buffy: Fine. Xander can do it. Go eat the toast.

_Dawn walks upstairs, grumbling. Buffy walks over to Xander while the girls he was training are now stretching._

Xander: Wow, Buff, you're really getting a hang of this mother-y business.

Buffy: Only took me 3 years. How do the new recruits look?

Xander: Not bad. They may be ready for a little graveyard action tonight if you can take 'em.

Buffy: Not tonight. I have a date.

Xander: Oh right, going out with Trevor again aren't you?

Buffy: We're going out to dinner. Like at a restaurant with waiters and tables and everything.

Xander: When are we gonna meet him? It sounds like you two are getting moderately serious.

Buffy: It may be heading serious-ward. And so far he's shown a distinct lack of fangs, and bumpies so that's a good sign.

Xander: No demonic tendencies. Ding ding ding. We have a winner.

Buffy: It's just so weird going on dates where I don't have to beat people up.

Xander: Spike was never really one to take you out for Italian, was he?

Buffy: He liked Italian. Hated French. Said it was too runny he never really filled him up, and apparently it tasted like…I'm just gonna shut up now.

Xander: Just a tip, but maybe talking about your vampire ex-boyfriend's racially based blood preferences is something you'll want to avoid with Trevor. Might be a bit of a turn-off.

Buffy: God Xand, you're such a romantic. How have you managed to stay single this long?

Xander: It's just a part of my charm I guess.

_Willow rushes in._

Willow: Buffy where are the crossbows? Some of the mid-level recruits want to practice.

Buffy: Which kind do they want? Compound or recurve?

Willow: The arrow shoot-y kind?

Buffy: I'll get both. _ Turns to walk away. _Oh Xand, can you take Dawnie to school?

Xander: I'm on it.

_Cuts to Dawn, standing in a large kitchen, spreading jelly on some toast. Andrew is standing next to her, leaning on the island. There are other teenage girls milling about the kitchen as well, all discussing weapons and fighting strategy._

Andrew: So then Xena and I started doing the tango, but Batman jumped in and was all stay away from my woman. But it was really weird cause it was George Clooney Batman and not the comic ones and I've always found the movies to be lackluster.

Dawn: Sounds like a pretty intense dream.

Xander: Dawnie, I'm ready to ferry you across Styx to your own personal Hades. You ready?

Dawn: If by ferry you mean drive and Hades you mean Roosevelt High, then sure, I just need to grab my backpack. _She hurries away to grab her bag then out the door._

_Xander grabs a bagel._

Xander: Mmm. Token for the ferryman.

_Dawn comes back into the room and they begin to walk out. _

Andrew: Don't you want to hear the end? There are some great guest appearances by the Justice League and…

_Awesome theme music plays. YEEAAAAAAH!_

_The kitchen. Willow is in there, eating a sandwich in her pjs, and is on a laptop. Xander walks in._

Willow: Dawnie get to school alright?

Xander: No major accidents along the 10-block drive. I deserve a medal.

Willow: Congrats. _Xander picks up Willow's sandwich takes a bite._

Xander: Turkey. So what's new on the wonderful world of the internet?

Willow: I was just doing some research about Roosevelt High.

Xander: Why are you looking up Dawn's new school?

Willow: Because I wanted to check up on the level of demonic activity there. You know, disappearances, beheadings, flayings, swim team turning into monsters. The usual.

Xander: Ah memories. So any luck? Demonic principal? Ghosts? What's the big bad?

Willow: That's the thing. There doesn't seem to be any.

Xander: What? No puppets coming to life? No hot teachers turning out to be giant bugs preying on innocent virgins.

Willow: Nothing. It's like the school is far enough away from the Hellmouth, wherever it is, that the activity isn't focused there.

Xander: Weird. A High School that isn't waiting to pull the students down into the fire-y pits of hell. Must be nice.

_Cuts to Dawn, sitting at the dinner table with Giles, Willow, Kennedy, Xander, Andrew._

Dawn: It was terrible. There's this girl in my English class. She's so mean, she has got to be a demon. I'm serious, she's mean and nasty and the laughed at my sneakers and I'm pretty sure you can't have boobs like that and be fully human.

Willow: I dunno, Dawnie, maybe that's just how high school is. _Kennedy is playing footsie with Willow under the table. (whispered ) _Stop it.

Giles: Sometimes people are just insufferable. But they're still people. We can't just jump to conclusions about every person's demonic heritage based on pure dislike.

Willow: Like Buffy's roommate in college. She was fussy and annoying and she listened to Cher constantly but she was… actually a demon. Maybe that wasn't an appropriate anecdote.

Andrew: Dawn, do you want to hear what happened after I fought Batman for Xena's love?

Giles: How is the library at this institution?

Dawn: There's a lot less vampire books than I've ever seen at a school before. All they had was some Anne Rice stuff.

Giles: Well that's terribly uninformative. She seems to think that vampires can't be killed by stakes. I mean really.

_They all laugh. What a fool!_

Xander: Maybe it's a little sad how funny we all found that.

_Cuts to Xander and Willow in the kitchen again, this time doing dishes._

Willow: I wonder how Buffy's date with the Trevor guy is going.

Xander: She seems pretty into him.

Willow: What's the matter? You still carrying that Buffy torch from Sophomore year?

Xander: No, no torch-carrying. Well not for Buffy.

Willow: Anya?

_Xander doesn't respond. Finally. _Xander: It's stupid.

Willow: It's not stupid. You loved her and she's gone. Believe me, I know it's hard.

Xander: It's just stupid because I keep thinking she's gonna come back for me. I keep thinking that I'll go talk to that girl or whatever. Then I say no, I can't do it, because I'm trying to win back Anya. I keep forgetting she's gone.

Willow: Xander…

Xander: I want to go out tonight. I want to try to get my mind off my ex-demon ex-girlfriend and move on with my life.

Willow: Are you sure you're ready to venture forth and seek females again?

Xander: I need to. The only way I can think to get over her is to find someone else. Like you did with Kennedy.

Willow: Xander, it wasn't easy at first. I felt with every girl I even looked at that I was hurting Tara. Do you remember when I turned into Warren? Cause that was creepy. But after awhile, it got better, and easier, and now I have a girlfriend with a tongue ring. But you shouldn't try to rush things.

Xander: I need this now. I need to go look for someone new. I need to try to be happy again.

Willow: If you're sure.

Xander: I'm sure.

Willow: Then whattaya say to some good old-fashioned Willow-Xander girl hunting?

Xander: What if she turns out to be some horrible monster?

Willow: That's never stopped you before.


	2. Chapter 2

More of my Buffy Season 8.

Oh yeah, ps, I don't own anything.

_Cuts to the Buffy sitting at a table with a candle in the middle, across from a decently good looking guy. She's playing with her spaghetti with a look of mild interest on her face._

Trevor: He brought his ferret to work with him. Said we were being discriminatory in saying that only human children were allowed to work on those Take Your Kid to Work Days. I mean really. I tell him that he needs to get his weasel off my desk. And then he says: "That's not a weasel, that's my Pyranese ferret"! Can you believe that?

Buffy: Gee who knew zoology could be so funny?

Trevor: Enough about my job. Office work is so typical. Tell me more about that Magic Store you work in.

Buffy: The Magic Shop? Oh, it's not that interesting.

Trevor: Of course it is. It's where I first met you. _It's clear he is very into her, as he tries to make things romantic, Leaning across the table to grab her hand. _I never expected to find someone like you at a creepy place like that.

Buffy: _Sadly, as if this is the reason her romantic life has been in a slump recently. _You think the shop is creepy?

Trevor: The shop, maybe, but not it's employees.

Buffy: Are you so sure about that? Cause the night janitor with the wonky eye gives me the wiggins.

Trevor: _Laughs heartily. _See, Buffy, that's what I…er…appreciate about you. You speak a language all your own.

Buffy: _Creeped by the narrowly avoided L-bomb. _I should be go home now. Dawn's probably wondering where I am.

Trevor: Can I walk you?

Buffy: Sure. That sounds nice.

Trevor: _Pulls her chair out for her while she's standing. _M'lady. _Offers her his arm._

Buffy: Thank you, good sir.

_Cuts to them walking down the street. She is wearing his classy little sports coat and they are talking casually._

Trevor: So what brought you to Cleveland in the first place?

Buffy: Um…work mostly.

Trevor: That shop brought you all the way from California to Ohio?

Buffy: We…uh…found there was a distinct lack of occult stores this side of the Mississippi.

Trevor: A niche market I guess. And you live with your sister?

Buffy: Yup. And some old friends from High School.

Trevor: Wow. I haven't been able to—

_A vampire comes up to them and Buffy begins to fight. Trevor decides to try to help, thinking Buffy needs the saving. The vampire, of course, knocks him to the ground quickly. His nose is bleeding while he is lying on the ground, so he doesn't really notice Buffy finishing off the vampire._

Buffy: Trevor! Are you OK?

Trevor: Was that some type of ninja mugger or something?

Buffy: Something like that. _She looks around for more to come. _

Trevor: Where'd he go?

Buffy: I guess he ran away. Come on inside and let's go take care of that bloody nose.

_Cuts to inside the house in the living room. Trevor is holding a tissue up to his nose, talking excitedly to Giles & Dawn. _

Trevor: And then Buffy just kicked the guy in the face. And then he punched her back, but she just kept going at it. It was insane.

Giles: And then what happened to the uh "ninja mugger"?

Trevor: I got punched so I sort of didn't really see him run away. I guess he got scared off by Buffy's sick moves. _Looks at her proudly._

Dawn: Looks like those ,uh, Tae Kwon Do classes really came in handy, Buffy.

Buffy: Guess Mom was right about those. Trevor, do you want an ice pack or something?

Trevor: No thanks. I'd just like some water if that's OK.

Buffy: Sure. _She starts to get up._

Trevor: I'll get it. Just point me to the kitchen.

Buffy: It's just down that hall. But I've got it.

Trevor: It's fine. I'm fine. Don't worry about me. Only my ego has sustained lasting bruises.

_He gets up and heads towards the kitchen. _

_Cuts to Andrew upstairs, he's already in bed, asleep._

Andrew: (_mumbled) _Xena. She's mine. Ow. (_wakes up_) Another epic Xena dream. Dawn will wanna hear about this one.

_He gets up, wearing Spiderman PJs and heads downstairs. He walks toward the kitchen and sees none other than Trevor in there. He's getting a glass of water, and a fly buzzes around his head. A giant tongue flicks out of his mouth and catches the frog. And he swallows it whole._

_Cut to Xander and Willow in a club, to be named later. They are sitting on couches with drinks in their hands, leaning into each other looking very couple-y. They are looking around, trying to catch the eye of attractive people but nobody is looking their way. An especially good-looking girl walks by Xander without a second glance. _

Xander: God why will no women even look at me.

Willow: Maybe there are no demons in the club tonight. Or giant preying mantises.

Xander: Haha. Very funny. Maybe she thinks I'm taken.

Willow _(sipping drink pensively)_: Maybe.

Xander: What it's not like you have "I like girls" tattooed across your forehead. Where is Tongue Ring anyway?

Willow: She said she wanted to patrol tonight, since the new recruits weren't going with Buffy. Besides, I thought tonight should be Xander-Willow bonding time.

Xander: Thanks, Will. Now, what do we call her?

Willow: 7.5

Xander: Oh, she's an 8, easy.

Willow: But look at her ass.

Xander: What about her ass?

Willow: Exactly.

Xander _(Looking around the room)_: Her?

Willow: Who?

_Xander takes a closer look and discovers that the silhouette matches that of Kennedy. She's walking away. Aw shit. _

Xander: Nevermind, she walked away. _He casts his eyes frantically around the room, looking for a girl as far way from Kennedy as possible so Willow can't see her. He points to a random girl. _Her? 

Willow: Red shirt? She's like a 6. Sparkle pants, on the other hand, might be bordering on an 8.5.

Xander: But she's wearing sparkley pants. That has to detract something.

Willow: Touché. 8 then.

_Kennedy reappears. _

Xander: Um…You know all this ogling has made me feel a whole lot better and I feel like maybe we should go home. Now.

Willow: Are you sure? I mean, you said it yourself that you thought moving on would help.

_Kennedy walks closer and closer tos them, oblivious to Willow's presence._

Xander: I…I'm not ready yet.

Willow: Ok…um just let me finish this drink.

_Kennedy draws closer._

Xander: Ah no. We have to go now. I…I can't deal with er disgracing Anya's memory. Let's go.

_Her pulls her out of the club and away from Kennedy._

_Cuts to Buffy in the Living Room. She is sitting, talking with Giles and Willow._

Giles: And you're sure he didn't see anything? Nothing out of the ordinary?

Buffy: Nope. Or he doesn't think he has, anyway. He's done that explain-away thing you always talk about.

Giles: People's unwillingness to believe the unbelievable certainly makes our job a lot easier. I don't think I could come up with as many fanciful stories as people make up themselves to explain away what they've seen with their own eyes.

Dawn: It's so convenient that no one wants other people to think they're crazy.

_Trevor walks back into the room._

Buffy: Trevor! Get that water Ok?

_He holds up the glass full. _Trevor: And I could turn on the faucet and everything.

Buffy: Brains. _(Laughs) _I knew there was some reason I went out with you.

Trevor: Aside from my unbelievably good looks, you mean? _He walks closer to her._

Buffy: Are you saying I'm shallow, Mister?

Trevor: I'm saying you have good taste. _They look as if they are about to start making out, something Giles certainly doesn't want to see. _

Giles: So Trevor, how are you getting home?

Buffy: Oh, do you want Giles to drive you?

Trevor: I can walk. It's not that far.

Buffy: Just take the ride. I would do it myself but Buffy plus steering wheel equals bad combination, and I don't want any other muggers to go all Jet Lee on you.

Trevor: If you insist.

Buffy: I insist.

_Giles grabs some keys off the hook, and Trevor gives Buffy a kiss. Giles cleans his glasses on his shirt. _


End file.
